a look at your smile and the world is brighter

so i’m not the same anymore. seeing you is wonderful and all, but to know that i cannot have you or not good enough for you kinda really hurts, a lot. but i am managing. i mean it’s not a big deal but it would be nice if you just noticed me. i have unnoticed, overlooked, and picked last almost my whole life. and i have to admit that i am tired of it. i thought college would have been a gate way to changing my life but it just so happens that is just a sequel to high school. i have come to the conclusion that i will be single forever. it just seems that way, i don’t have any one knocking on my doors, hitting up my phone, nothing. so i am okay with that. i get to live my life with no one controlling it but me. though it may get lonely at times but that’s what my girls and family are for. it kinda scares me to know that i may grow old alone but i am fine with it. the standards that are set for a man for me are pretty high, and i didn’t make these standards. that’s just how they are where i come from. “but it’s alright, it’ll be alright again, i’m okay.”

you see all the smiles and hear all the laughs.

you think that i’m fine and everythings okay.

but really its not. its not all okay.

you dont feel all the pain that i feel.

you dont know how much i suffer inside.

its tearing me up inside, into a million pieces.

the image you see is just a facade, to cover up my hurt.

i cant handle it anymore, it hurts too much.

i just gotta get away, away to somewhere i dont have to hide.

a place where i can open up all my feelings.

they dont think i can hear what they say.

i do.

i hear it all.

all the put downs,

the degradings.

im sick of not feeling good enough.

im done.

im gonna stand my ground, facade in hand,

and fight, fight for what i believe in.

im gonna let my feelings show.

im gonna be me.

i wanna get caught in the rain with you.

i wanna jump through puddles.

i wanna hold your hand.

i wanna dance all night.

i wanna share laughs.

i wanna make memories.

i wanna prove that i care.

i want you to notice.

i want you to open up your eyes.

i want you to see that i’m not going anywhere.

i want you to know i fell for you.

i want you to know i want you to catch me.